Stella Mckenzie Smuts: Are You Over Your Husband Yet?

The Call

Way back in 1976, a prophetess told me the following:

The Lord is going to take you to places you never dreamed possible. That which you are doing for Him now will grow into ministries you could not have imagined. Serve Him with all your heart and might.

At the time, I was in school and active in ministries such as SCA, YFC, Sunday School teaching, worship leading etc. After I left school, I always got involved wherever I could be of service.

Servicing my Heavenly Father and His people has always been a priority in my life.

Excuse me…what sort of a question is that?

I gave this question much thought and realised that the person who asked me, really cannot understand what the loss of one’s spouse represents… so let me try to explain, from a widow’s perspective.

Everyone who has lost someone will grieve and that grief is very real. But people who think they understand what it feels like to lose a husband, when they've never lost a spouse themselves, cannot understand. All grief is valid and should not be minimised. However, the loss of one’s spouse is very different.

A married couple is joined as one (Mark 10 v 8 "and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh"). When a spouse dies, you are ripped apart. Part of you is torn away. Your 'nearest and dearest' is gone. The one who supported, cared, and understood etc., is gone.

The loss of one’s husband also means the loss of:

1) financial security/income

2) identity as loss of identity as a wife is huge. Suddenly, the “Mrs.” is dropped and you are referred to as “Ms”. I am NOT a “MS”!

3) co-parenting

4) shared responsibilities (e.g. bills, house work, maintenance, garden, decisions, vehicle, cooking, etc)

5) major source of regular emotional support

6) normal daily life/routines

7) intimacy (physical, mental, emotional and sexual)

8) close company/confidante (loneliness)

9) dreams/plans/anticipated future (bucket list is wiped clean.

10) travel companion

11) security/protection (I know God is our protector ultimately but I feel very vulnerable without my husband with me)

12) friends and social life

Losing my husband has affected every area of my life.

I go to bed and one side is empty. I’ve changed to a single bed.

I wake up each morning and my prayer partner isn't there.

I miss the deep conversations we had.

He is no longer there to talk to, confide in, support me, look after me and be there for me.

I battle to make decisions by myself now. He always knew what to do and how to solve an issue.

Tears do somehow ease the heart-burning pain of grief. In some unexplained way, grief brings a measure of hope. The Bible mentions widows over 60 times so we are obviously very close to God’s heart. He is our hope.

Ministry in Africa

For many years, I have assisted my Pastor and his wife, Johan and Alta Cronje, with admin work relating to their ministry. They have been called by the Lord to train pastors and church leaders in various countries in Africa, in association with EMIT.

Training is provided throughout Africa. A total of 37 subjects are taught, spreading of knowledge out into cities, town, villages and remote areas, to people who do not have the opportunity to receive formal training as church leaders.

To learn more about EMIT, please click on the link provided.

Widow Support

After 30 years of marriage, my husband Peter, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer and passed away 3 months later. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional roller-coaster which lay ahead. I read some excellent books about grief, but none told me how to cope with the day-to-day walk along the pathway called Widowhood.

Many widows have no one to turn to who really understands. Each ones copes differently, behaves differently and reacts differently.

Parables and Pebbles is a collection of devotions through which I will provide support and guidance to Widows. The Parables are real stories. The Pebbles all the Widow to glean from the stories and apply what they need, without ever having to compare themselves with any one else. Their experience will become their own Parable.

Please follow these devotions at https://sparrowwidows.blogspot.com

Life Coaching for Widows

Suddenly, a widow finds herself alone. This is a new era, a new season, a new way of living.

As a life coach, I will assist you to find your feet and take steps along the pathway of widowhood.

This is not counselling as I wont be solving your problems for you. Neither it is mentoring, where I would be teaching you what to do. A life coach helps you, the client, to discover your dreams and how to achieve them. I will also guide you as to how to deal with challenges, so that you will be giving yourself the best advice that you need.

For more information and costs, please send an email with your name and contact details to sparrow@asab.co.za

Clerical Services

Clerical work is my forté and I am therefore thrilled at any opportunity to use my talents to assist in any ministry which is very close to my heart. Travelling costs form a large part of my expenses. I have a fully operation office at home, from which I also do tent-work to supplement my running costs. I offer general clerical services, including typing, PowerPoint presentations, and bookkeeping to trial balance on QuickBooks. Kindly consider my services should you require any form of clerical work to be done.

Sparrow Blessings

Look at the birds: they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren't you worth much more than birds? Matthew 6:26 One day, I enjoying a time of Holy Communion at a railway bridge in Namibia. As I was praying for family and friends, I would break a crumb from the bread and throw it onto the river bank. {This was symbolic for me but that is a story for another day.} A small sparrow flew down and started eating the crumbs. The Lord was providing food for the sparrow and reminding me that He is my Source and Provider.